sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
