It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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