We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
