you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
