We're facebook friends in real life
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
