I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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