He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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