She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
