Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
