I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
