I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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