Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
