God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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