i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
