im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
