Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
