Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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