Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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