Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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