I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
