I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
handjob tips. give me some.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
