do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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