Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
