There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
