Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
