Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
