she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
