Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
