so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
