he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
