omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
