Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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