I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
