She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
