you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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