no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
