Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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