turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
