my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
