Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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