I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
