so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
