I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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