eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
