my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
