never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
