Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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