I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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