North Korea, Best Korea!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
