Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
